J Luukkonen: Writer
the blog of j.Luukkonen
behold a pale horse
Here's a little passage from the book that I've been editing. I like how it ends.
"And love? What of it? If I can be who I am now, this creature, nothing more than my damned fever and the desire for that sweet, sweet, blood covering my body and mouth, then perhaps love was never real? Just as now I’m, what? Chemicals? Some kind of life-spark? Maybe I’m just a virus, a bacteria that controls a body. Maybe that was what love was too. I could not recall what love felt like, or what it really meant to the Adam who was before, but now, this Adam, this new creature felt nothing and knew nothing of it. This means that love certainly isn’t universal, and certainly isn’t unconditional. Just another human lie. But she looked like an angel. She radiated with light. Felicity was something special when I saw her, before I knew who she was. What of that? Was that a leftover from my former life, my former feelings for her? Or was it something else? Maybe she just has better smells than everyone else. I knew I had to find out what she tasted like; how she was on the inside. I felt the hunger grow inside me from just thinking about it, so I took what remained of the boy’s femur in front of me and bit down on it, enjoying sucking out the remaining marrow from inside. The smoke from my pipe curled up straight into the cold night air. The wind must have died out while I was eating. Above the smoke, the starts shone brilliantly, as a few night clouds soared by far overhead. The moon was still out, but had moved lower in the horizon, and illuminated deep shadows across the lawns that neighbored the one I was in. Looking into those stars, I could see a cluster of them that stretched across the sky, a line of stardust and gas that must have meant something to Adam in the former life. Now they were almost beautiful, if I knew what that word actually meant. But it seemed right to use it, so I smoked and thought about the stars."
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January 2017
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