J Luukkonen: Writer
the blog of j.Luukkonen
behold a pale horse
One of the things that's plagued me most of my life is that I've never been very good at anything. I was a good student, but not a great one. I was good in radio, but not excellent. Good drummer, but not the best. On and on and on. I'm thinking that my personal motto should be: "Medocrity is awesome."
So what's a bit frustrating with taking writing seriously is that I know that I could be better. I know that I'm not completely terrible, but I'm also not going to win the Nobel Prize anytime soon. It's not false humility, or me trying to get sympathetic praise by saying this. It's just true. Middle of the road, baby, So there was a moment early on after my daughter was born where I took a look at myself. I knew this about me. I knew that it wasn't ok to be only an "ok" dad. So I tried the best I could to be the best dad I could be. And over time, I think I've really done a pretty good job. The same goes with my writing. When I began to write more seriously a few years ago, I knew I wasn't going to be very good. And I wasn't. But over time, with work and trial and error, I got better. I'm getting better. This is a great cause of inspiration for me. I may never write the next great American novel. And that's ok. But I'm working on making my way into the world in the way I choose. The way I want. I don't need to compromise because I know that one day, something will work out for me. I think all writers can take solace in this. Keep working. Keep writing. It's all we can do to make it. You will not be discovered after a week of blogging on Wordpress. Sorry. Not going to happen. So as I continue to submit poetry and my novel for publication, I know and expect many rejection letters. They're coming in. But what's cool about that is that it means I'm in the game. I'm trying. I'm getting better and one day, perhaps I'll get something published. If you're a writer, you can too. Just keep going.
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I've begun submissions of I Am Zombie to literary agents for representation. A few rejections so far (expected), but I'll keep submitting and see where that goes. I spent part of the summer editing the novel again to iron out a few spots that needed ironing and to finalize some of the plot devices.
In other news, I've compiled a collection of my poetry, and so far I'm calling it See Also: Individual. I've submitted it to one publisher for possible acceptance, but was declined. I'll keep working on that, forming it into a better, stronger manuscript. I've also started submitting individual poems to publications as well. Got an immediate rejection already, but I guess I've got to start somewhere. I'm participating in a year-long challenge called, aptly, 52 Week Writing Challenge. It is just that--a challenge to write something every week. I've comitted to write a poem a week (at least) for the next year. As I'm on school break now, and motivated, I've already put in two or three poems, and it's only January 2nd. I don't expect the flood to always keep going. Hopefully some movement will happen at some point, and I'll have good news to report here. Until then... I've finished primary editing of the novel (about two major edits, with smaller ones over and over), and have started submitting the manuscript to agents for possible representation. Right away I got my first rejection letter, which was pretty cool. Why? Well, it means I'm in the game. I've made it this far sonthat I actually can receive a rejection. I'm pretty pumped to have the book this far, and I'm confident that I'll find someone perfect for my little manuscript. Hopefully more good news coming here soon!
In other news, I'm trying to finish a manuscript for a volume of poetry to submit to the University of Alberta Press. I've got some writing to do still, and edits, but I hope to have it ready by mid-November. Here's to manuscript #2! I've had a busy summer, taking some classes, and doing marking for IB exams. But now summer is over, and as I approach a new school year, I'm finishing up edits on I Am Zombie to begin my process of sending out Query Letters to agents. Gathering a list of agents as I go along. I've got the start and end of the novel edited and revised, and working now on the middle section, which will receive the biggest cuts and most major changes. My beta readers were super helpful with all of this, and they deserve a huge pat on the back. If this thing ever gets published, I'll make sure you are mentioned!
In the meantime, back to editing, and getting ready for pushing the novel! I'm in the process of finding a beta reader (or two) for my novel. I'm still editing it, but have most of the big stuff worked out (though, in the past day I tried to beef up my main character's decisions a bit more, so that's taking some changing of the storyline to make it work right).
I'm excited for this next stage, and know that having someone beta read my novel will be a big step in the right direction. In the meantime, I'm working on NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month. I've committed to writing a poem a day. Whew. You can find them by following my POETRY page. In addition, I'm editing my novel as part of Camp NaNoWriMo, getting about a chapter a week done. Lots of work to do. But I love it, and I'm excited to be able to do this. Onwards and upwards! I've been doing minimal writing and editing lately, due to a surgery my daughter has had to undergo in Toronto. It is something that we've known will be coming, and that time finally came. I wrote a small essay about it on Medium.com, if you'd like to hear my experience of my 20-month-old daughter's open-heart surgery.
Surgery to Mend a Broken Heart I had the wonderful experience of being interviewed by author and all-around nice guy Chris Votey for his Squeaky Chair Interview series. It was a great experience, and we had an enlightening chat. You can find the print and video interviews on his website ChrisVotey.com.
Thanks, Chris! I've written a synopsis of I Am Zombie and published it on Medium.com as part of a competition. From the synopses that get the most Recommends, they will choose one novel to get reviewed by a literary agent and an editor. This, of course, is a HUGE thing, and I'm really hoping for the best.
As of writing this, I "think" I'm in 2nd place, but I'm not sure. Hard to tell. So there's still a shot at it. The competition ends next Friday at 12PST. So if you're looking to help a new and struggling writer out, if you're up for making my day just a bit brighter, read and recommend the synopsis, won't you? I will love you forever if you do. Synopsis: https://medium.com/nanowrimo/i-am-zombie-novel-summary-dbad2e4ed44f Thanks so much, and I hope it helps make you want to read the book! Here's a little passage from the book that I've been editing. I like how it ends.
"And love? What of it? If I can be who I am now, this creature, nothing more than my damned fever and the desire for that sweet, sweet, blood covering my body and mouth, then perhaps love was never real? Just as now I’m, what? Chemicals? Some kind of life-spark? Maybe I’m just a virus, a bacteria that controls a body. Maybe that was what love was too. I could not recall what love felt like, or what it really meant to the Adam who was before, but now, this Adam, this new creature felt nothing and knew nothing of it. This means that love certainly isn’t universal, and certainly isn’t unconditional. Just another human lie. But she looked like an angel. She radiated with light. Felicity was something special when I saw her, before I knew who she was. What of that? Was that a leftover from my former life, my former feelings for her? Or was it something else? Maybe she just has better smells than everyone else. I knew I had to find out what she tasted like; how she was on the inside. I felt the hunger grow inside me from just thinking about it, so I took what remained of the boy’s femur in front of me and bit down on it, enjoying sucking out the remaining marrow from inside. The smoke from my pipe curled up straight into the cold night air. The wind must have died out while I was eating. Above the smoke, the starts shone brilliantly, as a few night clouds soared by far overhead. The moon was still out, but had moved lower in the horizon, and illuminated deep shadows across the lawns that neighbored the one I was in. Looking into those stars, I could see a cluster of them that stretched across the sky, a line of stardust and gas that must have meant something to Adam in the former life. Now they were almost beautiful, if I knew what that word actually meant. But it seemed right to use it, so I smoked and thought about the stars." We woke up this morning to -25C temps. I brought my daughter to daycare, and as I came back, the sky began to turn pink with the sunrise. Back at home, I squinted into the bright sun and watched my breath puff up into the blue sky as I shoveled the driveway out.
Today I will work on the second and third section of the novel, and will start to think about filling the hole that I believe exists at the beginning of the story. It needs to just slow down a little bit. Perhaps a page or two will help. Not too heavy of a touch, just a little breather. Thanks for coming. I hope you enjoy your stay. You are welcome back any time! |
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January 2017
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